Poor in Spirit

This past Thursday after our wonderful fourth of July celebrations, we were told to wake up at 6am and meet our director. In our staff meetings, we had discussed what was about to take place: a poverty simulation. Most of the students roll out of bed close to 6am, but they are very conscious to not be late as our director said that there would be consequences if they were late. As student staff, I was given the option of participating with the students, and because I knew what a great experience it was, I decided to take part. Tom, our director, gave out the guidelines of the simulation. He collected all of our phones and wallets and passed out twenty dollars of fake money, which we had “earned” from our day job and instructed everyone to grab their Bible, journal, and three personal items, except for two people who were chosen to be homeless—I was one of those two. Being homeless meant that you didn’t make any wages, and you were not allowed any personal possessions. All I carried with me was my ID, TAP pass for the buses, Bible, and journal. Before the poverty simulation had begun, I had decided to go the ministry sites with the teams, one on Thursday and the other on Friday. However, I had not anticipated what a burden I would soon become for them.

As a homeless person, though I had no earnings of my own, I still had to take the bus and pay Tom for transportation. Every time we got in a train, bus, or car, we had to pay a dollar. Just by me joining a team, I was racking up my own debt and placing it on other’s shoulders. It was also protocol that we had to sign up for meals in advance. In the morning, each team would decide how many lunches and dinners they would buy. Each meal cost $8. Lunches could be shared, but dinner could not. Before I knew it, one of the teams had already paid for a dinner for me, even though I said that I would be fine not eating. Once again, I felt like I owe someone else something. I hated the idea that I was a burden to someone and could not provide for myself. I love my friends for being so giving and not thinking anything of providing for me, but I wanted to be able to pay them back. I didn’t want to be dependent.

That day, we left early for the ministry site at the Salvation Army in Compton (a place that I hold especially dear in my heart) because the students said that the kids there were served breakfast, and they hoped that perhaps the teachers would offer some to us as well. Alas, they did not. We passed out breakfast and watched children eat their donuts, several of them complaining that they did not like these donuts and eventually wasting them. The ministry that we did was great, but it became hard to focus on the kids when thoughts kept persisting in the back of my head. I was tired from being woken up early and hungry from the lack of breakfast, and who knows how filling lunch is going to be? Eventually, it came time for lunch, and this is when the questions started to come. Several of the kids asked where our lunches were, and we had to respond that we didn’t have time to pack them (as we were not allowed to tell people that we were in a poverty simulation). Some of them suggested that we go get some Chinese from across the street to which we replied that we had no money. Another said that we should order a pizza and pay them back tomorrow, which obviously was not an option. Matt and Kelley came back with our own lunch. We had paid for two lunches that included a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a piece of fruit. When I opened the bag for the lunch, I saw that the sandwich was sliced into fifths. Each of us got one fifth of a turkey sandwich and one fifth of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It baffled me how quickly those two slivers went into my mouth, and just like that, lunch was finished. The kids around us ate subway sandwiches, hot pockets, and chips, but it did not take long for us to finish our lunch. When I was waiting for the children to get done eating, I saw that one boy didn’t like his crust on his sandwich, so in his baggie was practically half a sandwich that he had torn off. I coveted that sandwich so much. I was appalled that he would be so wasteful while we were eating so little. God reminded me that I do things like that every day, and it is not a common thought for me to think how much I am wasting.

We came back from our ministry site to dinner that was served mission style where we all had to hear a testimony, and we were given the opportunity to pray to receive Christ into our hearts before we were served. Later that night came the next challenge—sleeping. After our dinner and gospel night that we have every Thursday, we went back to Uncle Tom’s Mission to sleep. We scrounged up anything that we thought we could sleep on—tarps, bean bags, cardboard, newspapers from earlier in the day, cushions, and the like. In Tom’s backyard, there is their driveway and the grassy part. However, the grassy part had dog poop on it, and Tom had warned us that on two nights of the week (which he was not sure which two) the sprinklers would turn on and water the grass. The seven girls laid down in a line and covered up with the couple of blankets that we had, and I was on the end. Everyone was tossing, turning, as it is very hard to get comfortable when your hip bones and practically grinding into the ground, and trying to get some sleep. In the middle of the night though, I learned that being on the end had its disadvantages. People in the night would shift, and easily, the blanket would no longer be on me. Most of the warmth that I found was snuggling up to the person next to me. I found myself so quickly being upset. I was upset at the fact that the pavement was so hard, upset at the fact that people were hogging the blanket, and upset at the fact that it was so cold in California during a summer night. This was when God reminded me of the many blessings that I do have, and how I had no place to have this sense of entitlement. He took my mind to Philippians 2 were Paul talks about how Jesus, who is God, could have claimed all of his rights, but he claimed none. He submitted his rights and allowed his Father to bestow any back. If Jesus, who was entitled to all things like respect and a good name, submitted his rights, what right did I have to feel entitled when I in fact have nothing to claim for myself? I asked God to reveal more of my sin to me and to fill me with Him. I began to pray for people who are in this place who are not in a simulation like me, and my joy was increased. Through my momentary afflictions, I was able to empathize with others and pray specific prayers for them as well as submit my rights to God, realizing that it is only by Him that I am not in this position long term.

The next day brought hardships as well, but by this time we were learning how to survive. We became more resourceful as two others and I walked around the neighborhood looking for cardboard boxes and happened upon two couch cushions, but another aspect of the simulation was that our director would occasionally give us “chance cards.” Some of these were positive, but most were negative like losing personal items and such. These cards were symbols of the injustices that the poor face. While we have constants in our lives, the poor often live from day to day, and they may not know what the day may hold for them. To further this lesson, our kitchen had a mysterious “fire” so that we were not able to eat the dinner for which we already paid. In light of the dinner, we heard a talk about the Beatitudes. Is it really truth when Jesus says, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”? To be poor in spirit is not something to necessarily strive for, but it is actually our identity in Christ. When Jesus says that we are blessed, it is because we are literally poor without Christ. We are able to fully realize that apart from Christ we can do nothing, and we have nothing. As I come broken to the cross, I am able to embrace the fullness of God’s grace and realize the extent of His sacrifice. It is from this position where I am able to function in His power and rest in the fact that I am purchased into His kingdom. Psalm 31:19 reads, “Oh, how abundant is your goodness, which you stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you, in sight of the children of mankind.” His goodness is stored up for those who take refuge in Him, for those who have nowhere else to go but to Him and find relief. I am to live and give out of His abundance, not my own, but all I have to live on which is Christ.

The final day was perhaps the most impactful days for me. We split up into teams and were set out on a scavenger hunt that included finding lunch to eat, finding 20 cans, interviewing a homeless person, asking for money, visiting an elderly person, etc. As we started, we decided to go to the wealthier part of town to ask for money, thinking that they would perhaps be more generous. On the way, we were able to spot several aluminum cans in various places. Our shame quickly went out the window as we dug through trash can after trash can because we were doing these things to survive and in fear of what consequences might come from our director if we did not complete all of the tasks. All in all, we ate tater tots and popcorn found in a bush, two sandwiches still wrapped found in a trash can, and a leftover meal of bacon and bread from Denny’s found in a trash can. I didn’t even care that I was eating food that was in a trash can. Perhaps, though, the hardest thing to do was to ask for money because that took me getting over my pride. Two others and I sat outside a grocery store asking strangers for their change. I couldn’t believe the lack of respect that people had for us; it was as if they didn’t view us as fellow human beings. We would ask if they had any change right after seeing them put away the money the just used at the grocery store, and they would tell us now. One of the ladies that we asked begrudgingly gave us a dollar. Because we were using a Corona box to carry our cans, she emphatically insisted that we use it for the bus. I couldn’t believe that people would question my motives when I’ve never even had alcohol in my life, but I was quickly reminded by the Lord that I question people’s motives constantly. Instead of giving cheerfully and freely as God has given me, I am often stiff handed (though I am not saying that we should give every time we are asked), but I do know that there are many times when I only give out my abundance if I think their motives are correct.

I say all of these things to show you the identity that you have and must claim in Christ. Be poor in spirit, and look to Christ for His abundance of goodness. Let us put away our pride and depend on Him. Christ saw us exactly as we were in our sin and still gave His life for us. How can we not out of His abundance also freely give?

Luke 24:1-4

Jesus looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the offering box, and he saw a poor widow put in two small copper coins. And he said, “Truly, I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all of them. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”